WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY
Judge {2022}
Going for a non-human character to complete this action was not an obvious choice, but it was an inspired one. Your third-person omniscient narration coupled with indirect discourse was an effective way to access Charle's unique perspective, his particular disdain for wood being just one example.
Judge {2074}
The way in which you build suspense through Charles' observations are very successful. This is especially true in the way in which he is tracking movement. It allows us to feel like we are very much in his mindset.
You provide us with enough information to allow ourselves to visualize the creatures on our own through your mentioning of claws and sharp teeth, which makes the story feel more exciting and active than if you were to describe their appearance through exposition.
Judge {1788}
The descriptions of Charles' destruction were animated and realistic. Due to the sharp prose, the reader can feel his pleasure when he tears apart the magazine.
The gestures of both characters were extremely well-written. It made the climax visible and suspenseful.
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK
Judge {2022}
In revision, focus on enhancing the emotional core of your story. For now, the drama derives from Charles' preoccupation with the magazine and the spider (so, more action-based.) However, there could be more to his relationship with his brother Victor and his mother.
Judge {2074}
There isn't yet enough information about the world of the story to understand the context of the creatures and why they are musing over humans.
It would be helpful to also understand why Mother needs protecting.
Judge {1788}
To strengthen the conflict, the author should consider how Charles changes internally over the course of the story. Is he an older animal trying to prove he's not worthless? Did he dislike the baby at first and then learn to appreciate Brother Victor more during this incident? In dramatic works, it's crucial that the protagonist have some type of character arc. Giving Charles his own personal journey will deepen the conflict a great deal.
"An Intruder" has wonderful action descriptions and an original main character. If the author develops Charles' character arc further, it will be stronger as a result.